you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
