i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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