The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
