I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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