1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
