i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
