i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
