when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
