First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
last night I used snow as a chaser
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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