marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Randomize
