They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
