i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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