I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
