things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
