How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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