i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
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