Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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