fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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