while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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