I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
