You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
