Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Randomize
