That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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