I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
