How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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