ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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