If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
