People with herpes should wear stickers.
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
