I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
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