I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
