Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
This baby is an asshole
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
