you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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