I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
