what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
