he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize