I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
