too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
