what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
