I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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