If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
3 2 1 whiskey
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
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