it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize