what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Randomize
