i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
