this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
