Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Randomize
