i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Four minutes until I can fart!
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize