Umm I'm too high to move.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
