My boss' voice literally gives me gas
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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