I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
