where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
