I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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