I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
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