i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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