Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
