I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize