just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i came on her dog
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
