this boner is exhausting
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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