Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
