I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
