Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize