summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
