its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
