i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
