I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
