She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
