8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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