Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize