There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Everything about him screamed your future.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
