Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Randomize
