OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
