Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
