I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
