I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
