remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
