my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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