okay pat passed out under dana's car
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
