think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
