I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
