you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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