we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
