i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
