it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
