I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
