so explain again why im purple
no
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
