thus making me awesome and them whores
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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