I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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