I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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