Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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