Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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