you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
