I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize