It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
